Zoro are you gay?
by Comic Freaks United
Summary: Robin wonders about Zoro's sexuality and Nami finds once again, a way to make his life hell. Written for the lolz. NamixZoro.
1. The dreaded question

**Disclaimer: I don't own none of the characters. Yo. **

a/n: This is probably an overused idea but it's just so fun XD I love making Zoro cry :D

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"Have you ever wondered if Swordsman-san was…gay?"

Nami, who was drawing her maps had looked up, eyes wide in surprise. The night-haired woman, who had uttered the bizarre statement, was sitting across from her on the opposite side of the portable table, quietly sipping the cocktail which Sanji had recently conjured for them. She had been watching, for quite some time, the antics of Luffy, Usopp and Chopper, who were crowding around a now infuriated Zoro, who had been woken from his nap with a bucket of water thrown over his head.

"Gay?" repeated Nami, the idea completely new to her. She left her map work, now intrigued by Robin's suggestion, her attention drawn to the green-haired man. "Why would you say that?"

Robin was smiling her usual mysterious smile. "Haven't you noticed that he tends to avoid romances with women?"

Nami raised an eyebrow. "Well, yeah. But he's always saying that that kind of thing would just hinder his training." She rolled her eyes in irritation. "You know how he is."

"You don't think that it's rather strange?" Robin asked, glancing at the navigator. "He is the type who women would be drawn to, wouldn't you say? I am very curious to know how he manages to disregard all of them."

Nami looked over at Zoro, observing him. She knew that he was indeed very attractive – although she would never admit it to anybody else, or even to herself. She also knew that there had been many women in the past who had been interested in him, al of whom had been brushed away without hesitation. But that simply fuelled her interest in the question. _How _did_ he resist them all?_

"And he _does_ seem to have a good relationship of men," contemplated Robin, watching as Zoro tried to strangle Luffy. "Especially Captain-san."

Nami whose eyes were also glued to the scene was clicking these things into place. However, it was a large jump to assume that Zoro was gay. "Well, that _is_ true…but he _is_ a guy after all. If a guy wasn't on good terms with his own kind I'd be worried."

Robin considered, seeming satisfied it was a fair answer. "Yes, it would be quite alarming if he wasn't. However…"

Zoro had returned to sleep again, seeming to have given up on punishing his crewmates for their actions. In fact, all had instead decided to take a nap with him, obviously exhausted from their pranks. Chopper had nestled himself comfortably in the swordsman's lawn of hair, and Usopp was leaning on Zoro's shoulder, snoring loudly. Luffy too was leaning on Zoro, although on the other side, the sound of his snoring matching Usopp's.

"…he seems to have the uncanny ability to attract them," finished Robin, proving her point.

Nami could only stare. _She was right. What was with that? Could he really be…gay?_

The rest of the afternoon, Nami was left to deal with the notion. That their first-hand mate was…_gay_. It explained a lot. Zoro seemed to have no attraction to women at all. In Alabasta, when she had dropped her towel that night in the baths, Zoro hadn't joined the others in peeking. And whenever women were mentioned, he showed no interest at all.

She ventured out of her room, where she had been sitting, to check their heading as she did every now and then, to avoid them drifting completely off course. When she stepped outside however, the person whose sexuality she had just been contemplating was there in front of her, lifting his usual inhumanely heavy weights on deck.

She considered for a moment. If she _was_ going to find out if he was gay, now was a perfect opportunity. If she asked him about it then, there would be no pressure from the other crewmembers influencing his answer. If he was straight, she imagined he would simply give her a strange look, and continue his weights. But if he suddenly became flustered, then it would be confirmed. She grinned wickedly to herself. Oh how she loved teasing him. "Zoro?"

Zoro glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes, not stopping his workout.

Recognizing it as a sign to continue, she did so, not bothering to hide her curiosity. "Are you…gay?" She was sure he was going to ignore her, like he always did at questions like that. There was no way he was gay. He was the crew's manly swordsman after all.

The was a loud crash as Zoro dropped the weights, the dumbbells smashing heavily into the desk as Zoro stared at her with his mouth opened, completely gobsmacked. "WHAAAAT?!"

Nami was as equally stunned. What a reaction. What an _over_reaction. She couldn't believe it. He had confirmed it. He was gay. She felt like laughing at the irony.

"Why the hell would you ask something like that?" he gaped, looking infuriated.

"It's okay if you are," said Nami lightly, with a grin. "I won't tell anyone."

He looked confused.

"Well…at least if you pay."

His mouth dropped open and he sat there, in horror, completely dumbstruck. "You…little…"

Nami smiled sweetly at him, winking. "You don't think I'd just do it for free, would you?"

"I'm not gay," he snapped, angrily pulling his weights from the ship.

She was hardly able to contain her joy at the new discovery. It was yet another thing she had over him. Blackmail was imminent. "Don't worry yourself about it. As long as you pay up, the rest of the crew will never know a thing."

He trudged over to her, infuriated, looking as sour as a grape. "Now listen you—"

"Uh-uh-uh!" She waggled a finger at him in a tone used to tell small children off for their disobedience. "If I hear any threats, I might _accidentally_ scream it to the world."

He stiffened and he simply stood in front of her, unable to retaliate, a vein bulging on his forehead. "Bitch," he finally managed growl, seeming to bitterly accept that there was nothing he could do to stop her.

"And you know it," replied Nami in delight, poking out her tongue.

"I'm telling you, even if you increase my debt, I have no money to pay you back," he said, every word resentful.

"You are so simply minded, Zoro," sighed Nami with play exasperation. In all honesty she was enjoying every second. "There are so many other ways you can pay me back."

Zoro's eyes bulged in disbelief. "You wouldn't…"

"Don't worry. It won't make it something terrible…" She paused to think of something.

Zoro meanwhile was sweating profusely.

"Ah! I know!" exclaimed Nami, with a triumphant grin. "You can be my personal assistant!"

"Your what?" demanded Zoro in horror.

"My personal assistant," repeated Nami gleefully. "You'll be doing my nail-polish, massages, things like that."

He gaped.

"Don't worry," smiled Nami, strolling up to him and patting his shoulder. "It'll be a piece of cake for you. You know. Since you're…_gay_."

His face twisted in frustration. "I'm. Not. Gay."

Nami put on an understanding face. "Denial will get you nowhere, Zoro." And with that, she scaled the stairs in the best of moods, entering the kitchen.

Zoro was still shell shocked. _She's a demon…_This was going to be hell.

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a/n: Well? Hasn't anyone else thought that about Zoro? I mean Robin has a point…


	2. Dinner Dramas

a/n: Nami is getting her kicks in this chapter. So was I when I wrote this.

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So far, Nami had made Zoro do everything for her. Even the simplest thing, like drinking a glass of water she refused to do herself. And whenever Zoro tried to protest, she threatened him with revealing the information – to Sanji of all people. So when dinner time arrived, he felt like dying on the spot.

They were all gathered around the table like normal, Usopp flinging sauces at other plates with chopper staring in awe while Luffy tried to steal everyone else's food. So far, Nami hadn't asked him to do anything out of the ordinary. 'Pass the pepper', 'Pass the salt'. That was all. However in the middle of her meal, when he had just started to relax, she stopped eating.

Turning to Zoro, Nami gave him the sweetest of looks. "Gee, Zoro. Feeding myself is so awfully _tiring_. Maybe if I had some help…"

Zoro gritted his teeth. He hated it. She had no mercy at all. Plus, she had whispered it, so nobody else would know why he was feeding her. It would seem like…like…He really wanted to kick something. "No," he hissed back, his pride getting the better of him.

"Oh," replied Nami, seeming perfectly fine with it.

_Perhaps…she's stopped_, he thought hopefully.

Nami stood up. "Everyone! I have an important announcement to make."

Zoro's eyes widened.

"Zoro is actually g—"

"Growing!" Zoro interrupted her, scrambling out of his seat and slapping a hand over her mouth.

The rest of the Straw Hats simply stared. Robin chuckled.

Only now did Zoro realise what he had said and he struggled to find a reason for it. "Um…yeah, growing. I'm still I growing man at nineteen…so…um.." He shoved Nami down beside him and looked at Sanji. "So, give me more food you pansy."

"What did you say?" snarled Sanji, jumping from his seat, restricted only by Usopp who had automatically grabbed his shirt.

Nami smirked, glancing at Zoro victoriously, who only glowered at her in return.

"Get it yourself you stupid green ape!" Sanji was shouting, having being pulled back to his spot by Usopp who didn't want his food to be knocked over in Sanji's rage.

Zoro heard the insults but was more concerned with Nami's latest order. He took her spoon, hating himself for doing it, and plunged it into her food.

"Oi! Marimo! I'm talking to you!"

"Sanji! Stop trying to stand up! You're going to knock my plate over!"

"Not until I kick that shitty bastard who's ignoring—" Sanji stopped, his visible eye widening under his curly brow. Usopp, too had stopped moving, as did Luffy, who had been in the middle of stealing off Sanji's plate. Chopper's eyes bulged. They were all staring at Zoro, who in the meantime, had been spooning Nami's food discretely into her mouth, hoping that nobody would notice.

Nami was grinning happily, thrilled at Zoro's embarrassment.

Zoro's face had become tomato red. For, perhaps the hundredth time that day he felt like strangling the girl who was sitting, grinning as if it was nothing, beside him. He glared at the rest of the crew, transferring his anger onto them. "What!"

The rest of the crew was silent, and Sanji dropped beck into his seat, paling.

"Is something wrong?" asked Nami, playing innocent.

"Z-z-zoro…" stammered Usopp incredulously. "H-he…y-you…what…"

"EEEEEEEHHHH?? ZORO JUST FED NAMI!" screamed Chopper, as if it was the end of the world.

The kitchen was suddenly filled with cries of hysteria.

"Since when were you two—" began Usopp, pointing at first at the two and then in random directions.

"We not—" Zoro began to protest.

"Nami-swaaaaaaan!" howled Sanji cutting in, spouting tears and biting his shirt in despair. "Why? Why did you choose that Moss-head?!"

"But she didn't—" Zoro started to object.

"Zoro's broken!" cried Luffy, interrupting him, obviously stumped to Zoro's behaviour. "Nami broke him!"

Zoro was growing redder by the second. "I'm not—"

"Ahhh! He's even blushing!" shrieked Chopper running around in shock.

"He must be sick!" concluded Usopp in alarm.

"Someone call a doctor!" shouted Chopper, panicking.

"That's you."

"Ah! That's right!"

Zoro stood up, slamming his fist onto the table violently, shutting them all up. "I'm _not_ sick. And there's nothing between me and Nami!"

Robin, who had found the whole ruckus hilarious, spoke up. "It seems a little different from our point of view, swordsman-san." She smiled. "Actually, I think you two are quite cute together."

Zoro gritted his teeth, shooting a hateful look at Nami, who was smiling sweetly at him, as if the whole thing was an accident and not her fault at all. Defeated, he forced himself to sit down, and, as red as a beetroot resentfully kept spooning Nami food, muttering profanities under his breath. _One day he was _really_ going to kill her._

That night when he slipped into his hammock after being forced to paint Nami's toenails before she went to bed, he was hampered with queries about the relationship between Nami and him.

After trying to ignore them for a while and finding it futile, he had become so irritated that he had got up, roared at the top of his lungs that he and Nami were actually planning to get married and afterwards have three kids, specifically two boys and a girl, and get a dog named Rufus, before storming back to his hammock leaving them completely silenced.

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a/n: Lol. Rufus. I love that name :D


	3. Playing dressups

a/n: here we go! The last chapter! Will Zoro's torture never end? Muahaha.

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Zoro was shaken violently awake the next day, and he jumped out of bed, swords drawn instantaneously, before he realised who the perpetrator was. And yes. It was Nami, standing in all her devilish glory. He growled in annoyance, sheathing the katanas.

"Morning," Nami greeted, smiling wickedly.

He stiffened at her expression. _Not good_. "Why did you have to wake me up so early?" he hissed back to her, irritated.

"Because I can," replied Nami, starting to climb up the ladder to the deck.

Zoro glared.

"_And_ I wanted to give you something," she added, disappearing up top.

He gulped, following her uneasily. _What on earth could it be now?_ Climbing to the deck in pursuit, she had seemingly vanished. He looked around, scratching the back of his head in confusion, wondering if she was making fun of him. _If she is, she is so dead_, he thought venomously, deciding to check her room first.

Opening the door, he at once saw his torturer, unfolding something which lay on her bed.

"Oi, Nami," he mumbled with a grumpy look. "What is it you want me to do?"

Nami turned, grinning, holding up a dress on a hanger. "I want you to wear this."

Zoro couldn't help it. He broke out into a grin. "You're kidding."

"Who's kidding?" answered Nami, coming up to him, pressing the dress against him. "Hmm…should fit…"

Zoro's grin dropped as he realised she was serious. "Oh no. No. There is no way you're forcing me into a dress."

"But you're gay," stated Nami, as if it resolved everything.

"I'm NOT gay!" he exclaimed angrily.

"Well," sighed Nami, "I guess I'll just have to tell the boys about your little—"

"Wait!" Zoro slapped his hands over his face in anguish. _Why? Why did she have to be like this?_

Nami leaned against the door. "I'll tell you what. I'm feeling pretty generous right now, so you can quit being my PA after today. Alright?"

"You mean after this no more torture?" Zoro looked as if he was requesting the world.

"I guess so," replied Nami, waiting for him to fall into her trap.

Zoro felt like a huge weight (much heavier than his usual training ones) had been lifted from his shoulders. He looked at the dress. _I only have to wear that._ "Fine," he managed to say, through clenched teeth.

"Great," smiled Nami, throwing him the dress. She laughed softly to herself. _Things are all going as planned…_

Nami had agreed that Zoro was allowed to wear his clothes underneath, but still, the fact that he was in a dress caused Nami to burst out laughing. He blushed furiously.

"Shuddup!"

Nami turned in an attempt to sober herself, but when she saw him, she burst into another fit of laughter.

"Stop it!" he snapped, feeling completely humiliated. Well in truth, he was. I mean really – what man wouldn't feel that way wearing a pink flowery dress? "Right, that's it! This is coming off." He began to tear at the dress but Nami, suddenly was holding his arms, a fearsome look on her face.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm taking it off of course," stated Zoro resolutely. "The deal was that you got to see me wear a dress. You have. So I don't have to wear this damn thing anymore."

Nami looked at him slyly. "now, when did I say that?"

He frowned, puzzled. "What are you talking about? You _just_ said it."

"Did I?" grinned Nami wickedly. "I said that I wanted you to wear it."

"And I have!"

"Yes, but not in front of the crew yet," sniggered Nami, delighting in his next expression.

Zoro's mouth hung open. "You…"

"And I said that the deal would be over after _today_, not after I asked you to wear the dress," Nami added lightly. Oh she was going to put him through hell.

He had been tricked. Well and truly. He shook his head. "No."

Nami lifted an eyebrow. "What?"

"I'm NOT doing it." Zoro stood, resolute. He did have at least some pride left. If he walked outside in a dress, that last shred of it would be completely destroyed.

Nami shrugged proceeding to go outside. "I'll go call the crew then."

"Oi! Nami!" Zoro pulled her back, irritated to no end. "Would you quit it?"

Nami swivelled on the spot to face him, looking challenging. "Well, if you're not going to cooperate, you're going to have to come out of the closet _some_ time so—"

"How many times do I have to say it?" he exclaimed in exasperation. "I'm _not_ gay!"

Nami looked at him sceptically. "What is it with you and denial?"

"Are you deaf or something?"

"Zoro, if gay's your way, that's okay…"

He grabbed her by the shoulders, wanting to shake the idea out of her. "I'M TELLING YOU! I'M NOT GAY!" And did the one thing he could think of to prove it to her – kissed her.

Nami's eyes flickered wide at the sudden move, and when the swordsman pulled away, her eyes were still glued in their open, shocked expression. She felt the heat rise to her cheeks as she stared at Zoro, who stared back, hoping that she was finally convinced.

"Happy?" he said, searching Nami's face in hope of freedom.

Nami opened her mouth to speak but when she realised there was no words being uttered, she closed it again, nodding instead.

Zoro sighed with relief, letting go of the navigator. "Geez, Nami. You seriously take a lot of convincing." He could almost laugh.

"But…if you're not gay, then why did you react so peculiarly when I asked you about it?" Nami asked him, finally regaining her voice. 'I mean, don't you think smashing your ten tonne weights on the deck is a bit of an overreaction?"

Zoro wondered how he'd answer. "Look. Reputation, as a swordsman, is everything. If I went up to an adversary and they knew I was _gay…_" He didn't bother explaining.

Nami had already understood. She rolled her eyes. _Men._

Zoro crossed his arms, walking from the room. _Finally_, he thought thankful the torture was over. Now all he had to do was wipe it from his memory. _Except the last bit_. He smirked to himself, feeling somehow victorious, even after all the things she had put him through. He had still got his bit in the end.

"Zoro.."

The swordsman looked up. He paled.

Crowded before him on the deck was the rest of the crew, shock scrawled on their faces. Robin seemed amused.

Zoro suddenly became painfully aware of how loudly he had shouted in defence of his sexuality. He looked down, sweat droplets forming on his brow. He was still wearing the dress. _Crap_.

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a/n: Zoro in a dress. Who could resist?

Zoro: I hate you.

Author: I know :D


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